7 Most Misused Words

Originally posted on Facebook, but I had to take it down after a barrage of private messages from friends who were certain it would ruin my reputation forever. What? But it also made me realize that there really are things you can't post on Facebook. You have to hide your true thoughts behind some cryptic status or someone else's published thoughts because your friends will ALWAYS feel you're talking about them.

Here goes... and P.S., I was just really playing around with the Scientific American article and not reaching for any original earth-shaking groundbreaking epiphany.

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In science (according to the Scientific American) and in gay pageants, or wherever these words are used. Let’s do gay, for now, and for the purposes of this piece let's freely interchange "gay" and "homosexual."

Hypothesis. A proposed explanation that can actually be tested. Rumors cannot be hypotheses because, for heaven’s sake, don’t attempt to test whether someone is gay by asking them to look at the soles of their shoes. Don’t ask them to go to bed with you (if you’re of the same gender) either because, if the request is denied, people will think the hypothesis is proven on you.

Theory. A theory is an explanation of some aspect of the natural world that has been substantiated by repeated experiments or testing. It’s not just an idea that lives in someone's head. So before you can prove someone is gay, you will need repeated (probably many times) confirmation. Preferably personal confirmation for more reliability.

Model. A model is a representation of something. Male models are not representations (or representatives) of the gay community, however much we would like to wish they were.

A skeptic will always entertain the notion that someone in stilettos (to better accentuate a 27-inch waistline) might not be gay, even when he is a perennial winner of beauty contests. A skeptic will also be open to Manny Pacquiao being gay. A skeptic could also get punched in the face for skepticizing too much.

Nature vs. Nurture. Are people born gay? Or are they made so by extremely dominant mother figures? So let’s not start talking about the Gutierrez twins. Let’s not even talk about genes. Because if Ninoy and Cory Aquino were alive (I'm not talking about Noynoy or gayness here) they will definitely take neither side. But epigenesis? Yes! Blame it on bacteria and the things you ate or sniffed.

Significant. Scientists are still warring about this. Does it mean statistically significant, or does it mean important? It doesn’t really matter to gays and other ordinarily mortals. Unless, of course, the word that follows “significant” is “other.” Gays do have a tendency of racking up statistics on this. And of course, they’re very important. Or important until gay marriage is legalized. At which point everyone realizes people actually grow old.

Natural. You tell me. What is intrinsic to and inseparable from being gay? The sex? The lifestyle? The fashion? Appreciation for and aspirations to sing like Regine Velasquez?

And why all this confusion? They’re blaming it on Bad Education. Not the movie starring Gael García Bernal (the cute, the sexy, and other such adjectives). I tend to agree, but only half-heartedly. Because countless many rigorously educated people misuse these words on gay people, including many rigorously educated gay people.

They’re also saying that the human brain hasn’t evolved enough. So slow, this evolution. We know, right? The result is that people make mental shortcuts and tend to make binary distinctions. So, if evolution is too slow, let’s speed it up with revolution and pretty soon bisexual came along and binary was relegated to distant memory, because it was soon followed by other ____sexuals. The metro. The trans. The poly and pan. Hetero and homo can't begin to describe what we have become.